Too Far

A new online diabetic friend, Sophie, posted that yesterday was her one year diagnosis anniversary. It was a rough day, and it got me thinking about my upcoming appointment with PA J (Dr. K’s physician’s assistant).

I know my a1c is going to go up. Last time it was the lowest it had ever been, at 6.9. However, this was an artificially low number. Over the course of a month or so, I had been increasing my insulin rather than decreasing it. I did this through decreasing the number in my insulin to carb ratio as well as by decreasing the number in my correction factor. For some reason, my brain was thinking, “decrease number = decrease in insulin.” Well, it was a stupid mistake. Decreasing the number in either your insulin to carb to ratio or your correction factor actually increases the amount of insulin you receive.

Long story short, I was experiencing extreme lows nearly everyday. This drove down my a1c number in the long run, but wasn’t healthy or safe. I figured out my error with PA J, and I have had far fewer lows in the last three months. That means that the a1c is probably going back up. My guess is she’ll come in at about 7.3.

When I have upcoming endocrinology appointments, I get to thinking about all of my past failures and how all the chips are going to fall in the future. I should have googled what was in those brownies. And that frozen yogurt. And everything I ate that I estimated for. Will I go blind? Will I have neuropathy? Is it all my fault? Is it all under my control?

The answers are all yes and no to some degree. The only principle that remains true is that I try to manage my health the best I can on any given day. Some days are much more regimented than others, but it is not to say that the less than perfect or terrible days are terrible ever for a lack of trying.

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