Uptown

Friday was World Diabetes Day.
Saturday I met a guy in uptown who told me I probably wouldn’t have Type 1 Diabetes if I had committed to clean eating. He conceded that I probably can’t cure my diabetes now that I caused myself to get it, but could easily get off of insulin. He also is sure that most people with autism wouldn’t have it if their parents committed to clean eating.

He knows a lot about this stuff because he works out at Lifetime Fitness, got his teaching credentials but only taught for 7 months, and now works at Target Corporate. He also told me that he believes that I will die a conservative. I got pretty excited to exchange contact information so I can let him know my political leanings on my death bed.

He made it clear he didn’t want to ‘push’ his ideologies on me, because he could tell I was a really smart girl. Listening to him talk for 2 hours was just ‘hearing him out.’

At ten minutes, fifteen minutes, and every five minutes thereafter, I explained to him it was Saturday night and it was the time and place to have a fun time. I assured him that when I am dying, which is going be sooner than later if I don’t commit to clean eating, I would shoot him a text as long as I still had the feeling in my fingers.

As the night came to a close, and the snow fluttered down softly from the sky, I was thankful that my whole life could be changed by one guy, in one bar, on one night in November.

Sarcasm

The most difficult thing i’ve had to teach this year is the ins-and-outs of sarcasm. I have a student who does not understand it in the slightest. She does not get it and does not think it is funny. She is also not on the autism spectrum. Understanding sarcasm requires some higher order thinking skills. It’s tough stuff!

Part of today’s lesson included watching some (appropriate) Mitch Hedberg jokes. We stopped after each one liner and we talked through why it was funny. It’s funny because it is absurd! It’s funny because it’s the opposite of what he really feels!

My sweet student only cracked a smile during the last five minutes of our session when she said ‘thank you Ms. R. We’ll practice more next Wednesday.’
Bless her heart.

A Student’s Mad Lib

Today, a student honed their parts-of-speech skills with a wacky mad lib. I thought it was particularly funny.

Dear Sweetheart,

I lay awake all hour thinking of you, your yellow smile, and our dog in the Walmart. Surprisingly, I recall our meeting, how my heart pooped with tissues when I first saw you. How ugly you looked in those silver marbles and those two beautiful shoes on your ears!

I cherished every moment we were together and was smelly when our date came to a close. I can’t say how gently I regret spilling lava on your nose; you were fantastic about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you’re fantastic.

You’re weird most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of mercury, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as ants. Your lips are like succulent tacos. Your hair is pink like a cat on a summer’s day.

I can’t wait to squish with you again. Write soon.

Softly,
Your Friend

My favorite line serious line: Your eyes are like deep pools of mercury.

Favorite funny line: Your lips are like succulent tacos.

Confession: I let them use the word poop once. Just once.